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But with everystep I unconsciously adjusted my movements. I did succeed in getting outof that house before he could say something embarrassing.But that was fatiguing. For the first time today the cool weatheroutside was welcomed. I really did have enough material around me not tobe cold, even my head was warm. I certainly wouldn't want to be wearingall this in summer. I had quickly learned not to take such long steps,so that I wasn't constantly tripping on my many skirts. My quick littletripping steps would normally have been the occasion for laughter, butdressed this way, few were even aware of it. Although the skirts "just"reached down to my calves.In just a few seconds I had reached the marketplace. Not a good idea,because the rest of the class was there. Supposedly our teacher had cometo bring us to the whole group. My performance had probably lastedlonger than planned; everyone else was already finished.Naturally no one recognized me. Not only because nothing other than myface. But I didn’t realise she was pregnant. I didn’t realise that he was looking for some kind of sexual release because his wife wouldn’t, or couldn’t, accommodate his needs. I just didn’t know. I’d found the unconditional love I was looking for. I’d found an ability to be able to return it. My mind blanked out every other aspect, every other possible problem, every other realistic event. I lived totally in the moment. And then it ended. Like the click of a locked door on a jail cell. To say I was devastated sounds so trite. I couldn’t stomach food for three weeks. I couldn’t stand to be in the kitchen cooking dinner for my family. My stomach kept heaving. I picked at pathetic morsels I’d put on my plate so my family wouldn’t notice. I lost weight rapidly, my cheeks became gaunt and my hair and skin looked lifeless. I went for my nightly walks, taking the dog with me. I sat on the bank’s edge by the creek and bawled my eyes out. My family needed me, but I couldn’t give them anything of.
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